


Strawberry Wine

by trashsshi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bittersweet, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:08:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23854357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashsshi/pseuds/trashsshi
Summary: Baekhyun had forgotten that getting angry at your ex for trying to beguile you into pretending you have only good feelings and no leftover ones is tantamount to admitting that you have only leftover feelings and no good ones.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21
Collections: Challenge #1 — Beginning





	Strawberry Wine

Baekhyun chooses to drown out the bitter taste of love with strawberry wine. He’s not seventeen anymore. He’s not a lovesick teenager anymore, and whenever he’s worried that a certain boy, sunkissed in July, will slip through his dreams, he drinks until he’s so woozy on the wine that he won’t remember anything the next day, least of all his dreams.

He planted his everbearing strawberry bushes a few days after his first heartbreak, diving into the physical labour of gardening with a vehemence that was almost furious. It’s engrossing work, gardening, and so is wine-making. He enjoys checking for fermentation, and enjoys picking strawberries throughout the spring and fall months. He makes a batch and, while it ferments, picks more berries for the next batch. He finishes his strawberry-picking in November and turns the last of them into wine in time for the cold winter months. He’s woozy all the time in winter, warming himself with his wines, tasting the seasons in them and waiting for the heat of July, even though whenever July does come around he wants to be numb again.

It’s November, chill twining around his frame so that he works quicker, harder, and begins drinking harder too. He is picking his bushes bare when he hears Jongin’s voice again. “You still love strawberries.” And Baekhyun turns around to see Jongin looking much the same, delight on his face on finding Baekhyun much the same- or so he thinks. It irritates Baekhyun. “Your eyes are droopier than I remember,” continues Jongin, searching Baekhyun’s face, but he won’t find the answer there: that Baekhyun drinks himself dopey to the memory of him until it’s his habitual state of being. “I still love strawberries, but I don’t still love you,” Baekhyun says churlishly, and even his abiding love for strawberries is bittersweet and steeped in the intoxication of forgetting, but that’s something he won’t tell Jongin.

There’s surprise on Jongin’s face, but no hurt like Baekhyun had hoped to see. “You resent me even now,” says Jongin softly, and there’s no hurt. No regret, even, in the smooth melody of his voice. “I’m sorry. I didn’t reach out to you all these years because I didn’t want to push you to accept me as a friend. It was hard on you when we stopped loving each other. And I was going so far away from you. There was no point.”

Why should Baekhyun listen to him? Why can’t Baekhyun stop listening, why is he drinking every word deeper than the warmth of the wine will ever reach, freezing the words in his memory until no burning physical exertion will thaw them? “Why are you here?” says Baekhyun instead, because addressing any of what Jongin has just said would be tantamount to admitting he still cares. His love for Jongin is all bitter, but the memories are sweet, and that’s all he needs to get drunk on Jongin again.

Not directly answering his question, Jongin says, “I’m back for good this time.”

“So you hope we can get along,” says Baekhyun, bumping past him with his basket under his arm. Jongin follows him, which only gets on his nerves, and his voice rises as he continues, “Be mature adults, put the past behind us.”

“Are you…” Jongin deliberates. “Do I make you uncomfortable?”

Baekhyun stops in his tracks. “Of course not!” Damn it. He’d forgotten that getting angry at your ex for trying to beguile you into pretending you have only good feelings and no leftover ones is tantamount to admitting that you have only leftover feelings and no good ones. 

Baekhyun turns to Jongin and says, “I’m not uncomfortable. Let’s get along. Pardon me not being able to shake hands on it.” Baekhyun pats the basket under his arm. “As you can see, I’m busy.”

Jongin tilts his head, considering him, and Baekhyun is horrified to see him smirk, tiny, tangible amusement. “They’re the last of the strawberries. What else could be keeping you busy for the rest of the month?”

“I don’t eat them with cream anymore,” says Baekhyun. “I make wine out of them. That takes time. And work.”

“No more cream?” Jongin’s eyes linger on Baekhyun’s lips but there’s no desire in them. Only a teasing glint. “Pity. Why?”

“It’s too sweet,” says Baekhyun, throat dry. He turns away from Jongin’s insistent gaze and walks quickly, but Jongin follows him all the way to the house. A lot has changed. Apart from the strawberries monopolising his land, Baekhyun has erected a potting shed and another roofed room he calls the brewery. 

“Show me where you make the wine,” says Jongin, blinding him with a smile, and because they’re supposed to comfortably get along now, Baekhyun leads him into the brewery without a word.

It’s nothing fancy. There are his huge fermentation vessels, holding several batches, several gallons. There’s his wine yeast, tannin, pectin, acid blend, all in jars lining a shelf, and a sack of sugar in the corner. There are the strawberries he picked earlier that day. Baekhyun sets his basket down among them and briefly points and names everything.

“You’re a businessman, Baek,” says Jongin. Baekhyun can’t tell if he’s mocking him.

“I haven’t turned commercial,” says Baekhyun.

“All this wine is for you?” Jongin frowns. He’s not concerned. Just confused.

Baekhyun nods. “The winter is long, and I can’t palate any other kind of alcohol anymore.”

“Why?”

Baekhyun decants a little wine for himself, swilling the clear ruby-rose liquid in the glass. He doesn’t sip it yet. He doesn’t offer any to Jongin. But he does answer his question.

“Too bitter.”

**Author's Note:**

> title is from the song 'strawberry wine' and that's also the song that inspired this fic, [check it out if you're curious.](https://g.co/kgs/EkaDWk)


End file.
